Mariah and Adam, in one act.

Adam and Mariah sit peacefully on the breezeway of their cabin in Kauai, overlooking palm trees and the pacific, surfing the web on their cell phones. Mariah finishes a sip of her cocktail out of a coconut and begins to reflect...

: It's been a week since our wedding in West Virginia.

: Has it been that long already? It was super nice to see Mary and Andy there.

: Those two had quite the journey getting to us.

: I know! Andy came from Germany where he was on a business trip. Mary came on her own from California. She was sorta dumb and planned her trip out of the airport in San Jose. The airport is 45 minutes away from Oakland, and her shuttle driver was unapologetically 45 minutes late!

: It's a good thing she gave him a measly tip then, huh?

: She's not totally dumb.

: So then they met in Pittsburgh, huh?

: Yep, they rented a car to drive the 3 hours to the middle of nowhere, I mean the Canaan Valley, to our wedding.

: Did you hear that Andy was almost thrown in a Maryland jail?

: I can't believe it! Tell me more!

: Apparently he was driving erratically over the winding roads on the way to WV and a police office pulled him over.

: So Mary's not the bad driver anymore, huh?

: Nope! The police officer asked Andy for his license and registration and Andy gave him the rental agreement. But, as it turned out, Andy's name wasn't even on the rental agreement! Andy insisted that the folks down at Dollar Rental told him he was the assigned driver of the mighty Dodge Avenger. By then, another officer arrived on the scene and they both told Andy he smelled like Germany, and he better get his butt over into the passenger seat. Mary is 25 now and she has every right to drive the cars she rents at a reasonable price!

: Those offficers told him!

: We didn't see Mary and Andy until the next day, the day of our rehearsal dinner. Didn't Mary have the most bitchin' Hawaiian-themed get-up on that night?

: She sure did! I can picture her wearing it standing next to Tina and Katelyn...

: It's a good thing she bought that ridiculous dress on impulse at the thrift store weeks before she knew the theme to our party! I can also remember Andy and J hanging out with my brother Derek that night...

: Earlier on Friday Mary and Andy turned some of their irresponsibility into an adventure when they went to town to buy us a card.

: Oh yeah! They went into town and braved the General Store in Thomas.

: That's the place with the display case of mammy figurines right next to the confederate jack knives.

: Yep. Mary told me she thought they might sell cards in there, so they went in and asked. They don't officially sell cards, but the store owners were hell bent on selling them one, anyway. First they offered the local greeting cards with a regional picture on the front and a caption talking about Thomas' history. Mary tried to explain that it might be a bit tacky to give such a card to us, considering the card should have been purchased in California. "No matter!" said the storekeep, as she took them to the back of the cluttered room and found a stack of random cards under the cash register. "Birthday...birthday...birthday...get well...thank you...birthday...Here! How about this one that says 'Congratulations!' with some balloons on it?" Despite the store proprietors insistence that the other stores in town would only carry similar cards, "because that's what us folk in town use on regular", Mary and Andy thanked them and went on their way to press their luck.

: It's a good thing, too! They found an equally inappropriate card down the way with a picture of a yellow lab on it that looks a lot like our dog, Goose!

: Good ol' Goose! He was such a good boy during our wedding. Mary and Andy were so happy to see him!

: Speaking of our wedding, that was a pretty nice day, wasn't it?

: I did have to smell horse poop on my ride there, so it only got better as the day went on.

: It's funny, I can barely remember our ceremony without the heads of our guests in the way...

: We looked damn good.

: I'll say. So Did J and Katelyn (plus little Naomi Jane in utero)...

: The food we had at our reception was so good that even Andy and Mary ate meat!

: And then on full stomachs full of meat and wine, everybody danced into the night...

: Our friends took lots of pictures with the disposable cameras we left on their tables. Compared to digital, they look like old timey photos...

: You mean like the one of my groomsmen holding guns?

: So that picture wasn't out of a Steven Segal movie, but at our wedding?

: That's right. After the men with guns scared everyone away from our reception, we spent some time in Andy and Mary's room with Katelyn, J, Tina and Jerry. Then Mary and Andy got far too little sleep and hit the road at 6:30AM the next day to drive 3 hours back to Pitt for their flight.

:The umbrella in my drink is getting limp--I need a new one.

:OK! I'm going to get back to uploading pictures of our honeymoon onto our website!